Creating Freedom – ep.114

In this episode, I am joined by author, speaker and founder of More Business More Life, Steve Napolitan, for a discussion on building new habits, stepping out of your comfort zone, and creating better alignment to design a successful life. 

#morebusinessmorelife

 

Melyssa Barrett:  Welcome to The Jali Podcast. I’m your host, Melyssa Barrett. This podcast is for those who are interested in the conversation around equity, diversity, and inclusion. Each week I’ll be interviewing a guest who has something special to share or is actively part of building solutions in the space. Let’s get started.

I am so excited as I always am, and Steve, one of my favorite people in the world is here. I am just excited about some of the things that you and the team are getting ready to do. I’m excited to be part of that team. I just am really interested in what you have going on, coming up and what’s changing because I think a lot of people in this world are ready for a change. They want to transition, and I know for me it was really scary. I was a little bit fearful of going from one thing to another and really stepping out of that comfort zone. So what do you have going on?

Steve Napolitan:  Well, so the thing that’s most near and dear to my heart, we call it more business and more life. And that comes from coming from an immigrant family and you come to the United States, I’m third generation here in the United States, and you work really hard. And then we take that family systemic pattern. We talk a lot about systemic patterns, but it happens in lots of different variations, including our own work, even self-sabotaging and all these things. So part of it is rewriting that so that we can live a good life. And we can have abundance while we have our family life or whatever else you desire. And so what I’m really focused on is designing our life, truly asking yourself, what is it that you want? Before you leave this body and this life, what do you want? And then how do we design that into our life, which most people don’t do.

That goes back to that comfort zone. Most of us go for what we call the safe path or what we’re taught. Even my ancestors, “Go make money, take care of the security of your family,” and you focus on this monetary thing or this thing that we think is secure. And a lot of times it’s not. I can’t tell you how many friends have been laid off or their corporate environment changes. How is that affecting that “stability”? Or on the other side, you do create that success. You are moving up the corporate ladder or you have your own business and you’re having the life that you want, but yet you’re having the success you want, but you don’t have the life that you want. And so that’s what I’ve devoted my life to, and I know this is what I’m meant because I was able to transform my own beliefs so that I could start having that.

And that’s what I want to help. And to the point of the fear, I want say… I often say success doesn’t feel normal. Success doesn’t feel normal. And try this on. If you’re listening to this or watching this, how do you know what your success looks and feels like? Most of the time we don’t. We’re guessing and then we load up all these guesses and then it inhibits us from taking action. The reality is success doesn’t. When you start stepping towards it and you’re like, “Oh, something doesn’t feel right,” it’s not that it’s wrong or right, it’s just different because it’s not what you’re used to. And so that’s where we have to transcend into this new thing. And you’ve already done it. Just to give you one more layer, think about the first time you rode a bike, if you do ride a bike. I mean, even if you go really young, you walk.

Most of us humans walk, right? So if you find yourself still crawling, then you never move past this stage. But why do kids get up over and over after falling down because they’re moving forward. And then as we become adults, we truncate ourselves in this learning. And you have to remind yourself that you did have a first kiss. If you’re a parent, you had a child, you had the excitement and the fear, and you still did it. And you can do that in your dreams as well. So that’s a very short version of how excited I am about all this, Melyssa.

Melyssa Barrett:  And what’s great about it for me is I feel like after my husband passed away, I really had a need for coaching. And I don’t think I ever really invested in my own coaching. I mean, I would take advantage of coaches and coaching that was provided to me or through at the company, but to be able to actually invest in your own coaching, you are truly designing the life that you want. And I think for me, what I love about working with you is everything you do is about having the life design that you want. And I know for me in my family, it was always work first. And so I just love the fact that you flip the script and say, “What do you want your life to be like? Then we can figure out how to design your work and your profession and all of those other things.”

Steve Napolitan:  Then it’s serving you. So we’re basically, what is it that you need? And I even know people that have strived to be a millionaire turns out the life that they want doesn’t even need that amount of capital. And not saying that it’s bad to be a millionaire. I think money is a tool. A hammer can build a house and it can hurt someone, and money is no different. So that’s why we have the illusion that money is evil for some of us because we’ve seen it used for awful things. But we also can have money used for a lot of beautiful things. And so then what do you need it for? What do you need? And so we often run for the money and we’re like, “Then everything will be sorted.” I always say that’s designing a custom home and walking in and there’s no bathrooms.

And then you look at the people that built it and you’re like, “What the heck?” And you’re like, “Well, you didn’t ask for any bathrooms.” That’s like working and working and working and then wanting free time. And we think it’s just going to like, “Poof ta-dah,” it’s there, that can happen, it can. I’m not saying that there aren’t people in the world that made millions and have that life right now, but it’s this small. From my experience, 30 years of being an entrepreneur and working with many, many Fortune 500 companies, most of us build something and then it’s building a treadmill and not knowing how to get off.

So to your point, Melyssa, it really is what is the thing that you want? Now let’s build the abundance that works for that. Now all of the work you’re doing has a purpose. Now it’s like, “Why am I showing up for work? Why am I doing this?” Okay, well, it’s because of that. You want that thing? Oh yeah, okay, great. Instead of just blindly chasing money or a career that is supposed to give you what you want, but you didn’t order it.

Again, it’s another quick metaphor. It’s like going to a restaurant and just saying, “Yeah, bring me dinner.” And then you get in, you’re like, “I don’t want this. I don’t eat meat,” or “I don’t eat spicy.” And you didn’t ask, you didn’t specify. So I guess to that, we all do it. And many of us, I shouldn’t say all, but many of us do this, and you have a wake-up call like you and Pete, your husband, who’s a dear friend of mine as well, and I did it too. I chased those dreams thinking it was going to answer it and it didn’t.

Melyssa Barrett:  What’s interesting to me is, and what you have done so well that I absolutely love is the alignment between your mind, body, and spirit, is so amazing to me because having just gotten into meditation not that long ago, I mean it’s been maybe a couple of years now, but it’s amazing to me how much you can listen and understand what your path is supposed to be when you have alignment. And I think a lot of times that you’re so… I remember being so focused on the work part that the rest of my… I was so out of alignment. I had no idea what direction truly I wanted to go to except for up in the company. You know what I mean. So it’s pretty awesome.

Steve Napolitan:  It’s like there’s no pause. I mean, you’re just go, go, go. So then those things fade away. We start losing sense. So meditation in a way is just a way to start feeling ourselves again and listening to our heart. And like you said, that alignment. But it’s how can you be in a line with a radio station if you’re not tuned into it? You have to turn on that radio. And that’s inside of us. We have a radio blasting and we just muffle it. And I did it too, Melyssa. We just like, “Oh yeah.” And we don’t even notice we’re doing it. We’re just living our life.

And that’s why people have these epiphanies either in the shower or they go on a vacation or something traumatic happens and then that part of you, all of a sudden you hear it because something had to shut off. And when we’re so driven and we’re taught this way, right, go, go, go. It comes a lot from our family community. Even in society today, many of us grow up that you work hard and you’ll achieve, and then that answers the thing, but it doesn’t. It doesn’t answer your heart’s desire all the time. Some rare cases, but then it’s like taking it by chance. It’s like playing cards with your life and you don’t have to do it that way.

Melyssa Barrett:  Yeah. So more business, more life. I know you because, and you always only have very limited number of people that you can work with. And I think the fact that you’ve expanded the team allows you to work with more. But I know you have some things coming up, and I want people to understand how exciting it is with what you have going on and what’s upcoming. So if I’m a CEO founder or entrepreneur who has found a level of success but maybe doesn’t have the life they want, how can they engage with what you and the team is doing?

Steve Napolitan:  Well, thank you for caring about that, Melyssa. And it is near and dear to our heart. And the reason we have limiters is because we want to be successful and we are expanding the team so we can help more people. And right now we’re just looking for… We made a plan a couple of weeks ago that we’re looking for 12 more people. We have had a few enrollments, so we have about 10 spaces left, and I know this week a few more people are coming on. So if you are curious, but the whole idea is that we work with you for a six-month period and beyond if you choose to. But it’s a six-month commitment because it takes thinking differently as you were saying, Melyssa. And so you can take some of these ideas, even what we said today, and maybe you can run with it, but a lot of us need new habits in our life. We need new ideas and we need to also shift our mindset.

And in that, that’s where working together helps. That’s where the coaching relationship that you brought up, having a mentor. And I think that’s one of the things that’s been lost in the United States and a lot of other parts of the world, is this apprenticeship type program. So if you want someone to help you start to find that breath, find the things that you want in your life, even if you don’t quite know, like you, Melyssa, you said, “I don’t even know how to have fun anymore.” You’re in the corporate environment so long that when you start having time, you have to reinvent yourself. Having someone there, because that feels odd. And there’s a whole bunch of stuff I won’t get into, but I’ve done this now for over a decade. I’ve been coaching and consulting, and now as the team has been expanding, it’s been more powerful.

And we do it in a lot of different ways. But the best thing I can tell you is that we have some foundational elements that are essential for any organization that wants more business with more life. And we have those, and it comes in a workbook and we work with you to do it. And the other side is that we have flexibility. You might need to start on page 10 or five. We don’t expect everyone to go page one through because each person needs a little different thing to change their life now. So we don’t just look for the long-term game. We want you to have the impact now.

And so that brings that flexibility. And the third part you also brought up Melyssa, is the mindset. We know that it’s in here, that we believe what we can have or not have. And so shifting our mindset gives us this trifecta of foundational elements. We need the flexibility to do the right thing for you, and the mindset shifting of our beliefs so that we can have it right now. And so that takes about six months or beyond, but we work with you so you don’t have to create these habits and new ways of living by yourself. So anybody that wants this faster, it does collapse timeframes because we can tell you all the places we fell down so you don’t have to. And you can live the life of your desires now a lot quicker.

Melyssa Barrett:   I just want people to be able to live their best life now, because I think what I found out is, I mean, tomorrow is not promised. And I looked up and it was like, “Oh my gosh, I got maybe five more years to work in this world, and then I want to make sure I can retire.” So it’s like, let’s do what we want to do. Not that I didn’t enjoy what I was doing for the last three decades, but I think the full alignment of life purpose work makes such a significant difference to why you’re here on earth and what impact you want to make on the world.

So thank you so much for joining me and telling me what you’re doing, and I’m excited to work with you and the team. I’m happy that we’re able to give so much, especially when we think about diversity, equity, and inclusion. And one of the things about Steve that I’ll let people know is one of his first core values for his own company is love, and it focuses on including everyone and everything. And so he is a model of that. I love the fact that you share so much of yourself and that you are so willing to be that tool and resource for others to be able to get the life that they dream. So thank you so much for joining me.

Steve Napolitan:  And I want to just throw it back to you, Melyssa. I’m so grateful to be in your life and all the beautiful things you bring to the world, and that any way that I can support that just lifts my heart up as well. And by you being able to share your personal story and the time of losing your husband and all those things, because those are things that we don’t talk about so much. And your willingness to be vulnerable is going to change so many people’s lives.

And your attention to diversity, equity, and inclusion is so important. And so combining our efforts together just builds so much power from my entrepreneurial life to your career in the Fortune 100 and 500, and then all the differences and all the things that unite us as well makes for something amazing. And so I equally am as excited and grateful to have you in my life and to be able to do this with you, to have you be a part of more business, more life. Makes a powerful endeavor for the people we’re going to help together.Melyssa Barrett:  Thank you. I appreciate that. And for anybody who’s listening, don’t miss the opportunity. If you’re somebody who is interested in this, send me a message. Let me know whether I can help you. Let’s set up a call. Happy to chat with you. Maybe I can help you, maybe I can’t. But don’t miss an opportunity to make the connection. Live your best life now. Thanks for joining me on The Jali Podcast. Please subscribe so you won’t miss an episode. See you next week.

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